Wisdom With Your Words
Sermon Notes
Intro
Today we’re continuing our teaching series on a book of the bible called Proverbs, which is about gaining practical wisdom for everyday life, and let me say it’s great to be back. I’ve been traveling the past month on Sabbatical with my family, and we truly missed being with our church family. Special thanks to our staff, elders, and members for allowing us time to rest and recharge, it was a great blessing. But I have to admit, the timing of today’s message is convicting. It’s convicting because we’re talking about gaining practical wisdom when it comes to our words, and I definitely lost it a few times traveling in the car with my family for a month. We had quarrels over electronics, elbow space in the car, missed turns in the city, and got honked at within 5 minutes of entering New York. My kids were like “What’s that? Are they honking at us?” Yeah, it’s okay. It’s just their love language...I think I was at my worse in Boston. We were sipping tea at the Boston Tea Party, my kids were arguing, and I yelled stop so loud the entire room got quiet. A little girl looked back, and her father said “Eyes forward honey. Eyes forward.” He knew better than to mess with a dad with pent up daddy anger... After that I said a few angry words, I wish I would’ve said differently, and with a different tone.
My point is sometimes in the heat of the moment, I use hurtful words instead of helpful words. Sometimes in the heat of the moment, I don’t like the words I use, the reactive things I say, or how I say it. But what about you?...In the heat of the moment, do you sometimes use hurtful words instead of helpful words?...In the heat of the moment with your spouse, your kids, your parents, your brother, sister, friends, do you sometimes say hurtful reactive things in hurtful reactive ways?...What about when you’re not in a heat of the moment situation, meaning as you go through everyday life, are your words primarily hurtful or helpful to others? Are your words hurtful and tearing people down, or helpful and building people up? How are your words? Today we’re talking about gaining practical wisdom when it comes to the use of our words, so let’s turn to Proverbs 18:21 and get into it. You’ll find Proverbs in the middle of the bible, and we’ll start in Proverbs 18:21. The title of today’s message is Wisdom With Your Words, and the big idea is to use your words for helping, not hurting...Use your words for helping, not hurting...
Context:
Here’s your context. Proverbs was written by King Solomon who’s considered one of the most famous, wealthiest, wisest kings in history. Historically people traveled all over the world to gain from his wisdom, and today we’re drawing from his wisdom when it comes to the use of our words. We’ll address four things: #1 The Power of words, #2 The Hurtful use of words, #3 The Helpful use of words, and #4 The transformation of our words. Let’s check out the 1st point.
The Power of words
Proverbs 18:21, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” The text says there’s ‘power’ in the tongue, there’s ‘power’ in our words. What kind of power do our tongues; our words have? Solomon says they have the power of death and life. They have the power to not just wound, but to kill. I’ll give 3 examples of things words can kill.
#1 Words have the power to kill people psychologically = Most of us were taught something different growing up, we were taught words don’t have power over us. We were taught things like “I’m rubber, you’re glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks onto you.” We were taught “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” But it isn’t true! It isn’t true at all, because words can certainly hurt, and sometimes they can hurt worse than sticks and stones! I mean growing up you’ve had people say hurtful words about your looks, body, personality, talents, and it didn’t bounce onto them it stuck onto you! It hurt you! In fact, it hurt you so badly it caused you to develop a low self-esteem, or it caused you to develop an inflated self-esteem, which is really just a front to deflect the hurtful things people said to you. Your inflated self-esteem and over confidence are a front to gain acceptance, to protect yourself from being wounded and rejected again. Words most certainly can stick and hurt us. Call a kid stupid, fat, ugly enough times, and they’ll spend much of their psychological life trying to deal with it. Hurtful words can be like a toxic chemical that seeps into the ground, it’ll pollute the soil and roots around it. Hurtful toxic words can pollute your view of life, distort the way you view yourself, the way you view others, even the way you view your acceptance and relationship with God. Words have the power to stick, hurt, slowly poison, and kill people psychologically.
#2 Words have the power to kill people physically = Historically we’ve seen people use the power of their words to start wars and kill people physically. We’ve seen people like Hitler use the power of their words to convince people of genocidal Holocaust. We’ve even seen people use the power of their words to embarrass, bully, or cyber bully others to the point of suicide. Sadly, we’ve seen the historical destructive power words can have, to kill people physically.
#3 Words have the power to kill people relationally = All of this is really a breakdown and killing of relationships. When hurtful words kill people psychologically and physically, it’s a killing of relationships. Numerous families, friends, business partners, churches, have been severed by hurtful words. Some of us have experienced the death of a marriage, a family split, a friend, or business partner walking away, the painful divide of a church we love. What started as peaceful relationships, was destroyed by hurtful words that divided. Proverbs 16:28, “A perverse man stirs up dissension, and gossip separates close friends.” Gossip, slander, hurtful words have the power to divide and separate even the closest friendships. Clearly words can have the power to kill psychologically, physically, and relationally. They can have the power of death.
But Proverbs 18:21 also says our words can have the power of life, and Proverbs 10:11 says, “The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life.” Our words can be like a fountain of life to people, a refreshing blessing to their lives. Our words can be used to help encourage, renew, restore, reconcile relationships with God and each other. They can be a refreshing blessing that brings a fountain of life into all 3 areas just discussed. Helpful words can ‘psychologically’ stich and heal wounds from toxic words. Helpful words can ‘physically’ save lives bringing peace to places on the verge of war or talking somebody away from the edge of suicide. Helpful words can repair and restore ‘relationships’ with a simple “I’m sorry” or “I forgive you.” One of the quickest ways to restore a broken relationship is for each person to say, “I’m sorry” and “I forgive you.” Those are helpful healing words that have the power to restore relationships and heal what sin has broken. The way to heal relationships is to grow in admitting your own sins and grow in extending forgiveness to others realizing you’ve sinned too, and it’s what Jesus did for you...
Look what our relationships, city, and country needs isn’t more hurtful words that divide. We have enough of that going on already. What our relationships, city, and country needs is humble, forgiving, helpful words that heal and restore. This is exactly what the gospel, what the bible is all about. In Genesis 1-2 we learn that the God of Christianity didn’t make heaven and earth, He spoke heaven and earth into existence. In Genesis 1-2 He spoke life, but in Genesis 3 Satan spoke toxic seeds of death. Satan whispered into the ears of the first humans saying, “Did God really say,” and those poisonous words polluted the soil of their souls, which led to sin and death. Satan didn’t attack humanity with a sword, he attacked humanity with a distorted word. God spoke life, but Satan spoke death! The entire bible is God telling us His plans to restore us back to life through Christ, and in Matthew 4 Jesus said we don’t live off bread alone, we live off the very spoken words of God. Now if you can believe Solomon that our words have the power to produce death or life in others, then you can believe Jesus that God’s word has the power to produce a fountain of life in you. If you believe our words have power, then imagine how much more powerful God’s word can be in your life. It can be a daily life-giving power that heals and restores what sin has broken. It can produce an eternally joyful life, instead of death...Here’s a few more specific examples Proverbs gives us, on the hurtful and helpful use of our words.
The Hurtful Use of Words
Proverbs has a lot to say about the hurtful use of words. I have time for 2 quick examples.
The 1st is Reckless Words = Proverbs 12:18 says, “Reckless words pierce like a sword.” Solomon’s saying we’ll sometimes use our words recklessly, like pulling out a sword and swinging it around reckless and careless. If you do that with a sword, if you waive it around reckless and careless, you’ll cut people up, and so it is with your tongue. You’ll cut people up with your words, if you’re reckless and careless with the use of your tongue.
The 2nd is Reactive Words = Proverbs 18:13 says, “The one who gives an answer before he listens, this is foolishness and a disgrace for him.” The text says we’re ready to give an answer before listening, meaning this is about being ‘reactive’ with our words. It’s about being quick to interrupt, speak up, be reactive with our words. Spouses do this when they reactively talk or shout over each other. Parents do this when they reactively yell and punish their child, instead of taking time to listen to their child and cultivate their child’s heart. Children do this when they reactively give a snarky reply to their parents’ instructions.
Now if we put these two proverbial examples together, if we’re reckless and reactive with our words, we’ll cut people up with our words including those we love. We’ll say things we later regret and wish we could take back, but we can’t because it’s already been said. You can be forgiven, but you can’t take it back because it’s already been said. My heart’s heavy on this because I know I’ve sometimes said reckless and reactive things to my own family. It’s things I’d like to take back, but I can’t, because it’s already been said. All I can do is ask for forgiveness, and thankfully they’ve been gracious to forgive. But once a word comes out of your mouth, you can’t hit rewind and get it back. It’s like hitting send on a text message, once it goes out you can’t get it back. So, we need to be very cautious with the use of our words because it only takes a few reckless and reactive words to crush a person’s feelings or sever a relationship. Our words have tremendous power to produce hurt and death. But Proverbs also has a lot to say about the helpful use of words, and I’ll give you 2 examples in response to these hurtful examples.
The Helpful Use Of Words
The 1st is Gentle Words = Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.” Notice the contrast between a ‘gentle’ and ‘harsh’ word. In Hebrew the word ‘harsh’ means to inflict pain on someone. So, what’s a gentle answer, a gentle word? It’s an answer, a word that isn’t meant to inflict pain on someone. Your motive is driven more by the desire to win the heart of the person, than the desire to win an argument against the person. That doesn’t mean you have to always agree or even waiver from speaking truth into their lives. Proverbs 25:15, “A ruler can be persuaded through patience, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.” The phrase ‘break a bone’ implies breaking a person’s resistance and hardened heart to an idea. It’s saying you can disagree, speak truth, even argue over ideas, but do it patiently and gently speaking the truth in ways that’ll win their heart. A gentle word can be bone-breaking clear and truthful, but it’s never harsh and its motive is always kind. You’ll never win a person’s heart using harsh words, but you can crack the hardest of hearts using truthful gentle words.
The 2nd is Reflective Words = Proverbs 17:28, “Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.” This is about being discerning and reflective with your words, instead of reactive like I said earlier. We need to learn the art of listening 1st, reflecting 2nd, and speaking 3rd. We need to learn to listen to what others are saying, reflect on their words, and then speak so our words are more gentle and reflective, rather than reckless and reactive. But let’s be real, what comes more naturally to us is being ‘reckless’ not ‘gentle,’ it’s being ‘reactive’ not ‘responsive.’ Using hurtful words comes much more naturally to us than using helpful words, and so how can we change that? How can we transform the use of our words? Jesus’ little brother James talks about this in James 3, so let’s turn there starting in vs 2.
How to transform our words?
James 3:2 states, “For we all stumble in many ways.” This is such an encouraging verse because James puts himself on the list. He says we all stumble, meaning he stumbles too! Let that encourage you if you’ve recently stumbled. Let that encourage you if you’ve been feeling weary in your stumbling pursuit of holiness as a spouse, as a parent, as a child, as a Christian, or even with the use of your words. I know it sometimes feels like you’re alone in your stumbling, but you’re not. Even Jesus’ little brother James stumbled. He was one of the greatest leaders in church history, yet he stumbled in his pursuit of holiness too, including with the use of his words.
Vs. 7, “Every kind of animal, bird, reptile, and fish is tamed and has been tamed by humankind, 8 but no one can tame the tongue.” He’s saying you can tame your pet Chihuahua named Diesel, you can tame Flipper the Dolphin, you can even tame Shamu the killer whale. But the one thing you can’t tame, is the animal in your mouth called a tongue. He says nobody can tame the tongue. Well, that’s pretty discouraging...He’s making it sound like it’s pointless to try transforming our words, which is exactly his point! He’s saying it’s pointless, without God’s help...It’s pointless to try transforming your words without God’s help, because nobody can do it. Nobody can tame the tongue! If you think you don’t need God’s help with this, try taming your tongue for a week. Try seeing if you can be perfect with your tongue this entire week. I’m talking no cursing, grumbling, complaining, or gossiping. No hurtful, reckless, reactive words for an entire week. Some of you won’t even make it to the parking lot...I failed numerous times this week and I wrote this sermon! It’s because like James said we all stumble, we all eventually fail at taming our tongues. Even if you came back next week saying you aced the tongue test, I’d just out you for boasting. You can’t win this one, which is exactly James’ point! His point is if you can’t control something as small as your tongue, then it reveals something about your heart. It reveals how sinful your heart really is, and how powerless you are to control that sinfulness.
In Matthew 15 Jesus said, “What comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart.” The issue with our words comes from sin issues in our hearts. When our hearts are changed our sinful ways and words start to change. How does that happen? It happens through the power of Christ and God’s word. Since our will power can’t do it, we need God’s power to do it. I mean I can give you a list of things to help with transforming your words such as joining a small group for accountability or seeing a Christian counselor to develop better communication skills. I can even give you a list of practical principles to follow to help with transforming your words, which are all good things! But no list will suffice, without the power of Christ and God’s word. The more you read the bible the more it changes your heart, so God’s word can flow more naturally out of your mouth. If you have garbage going into your heart, you’ll have garbage flowing out of your mouth. If you have the power of God’s word going into your heart, you’ll have the life-giving power of God’s word flowing out of your mouth. So don’t just come to church to hear God’s word, come to abide in God’s word. Come to abide in the text, to live with Proverbs 18:21 all week, so it’s a daily reminder that your words can produce death or life, then pray the text asking Jesus to help you live the text. That’s what it looks like to abide, to live in the power of God’s word. We need the power of Jesus and God’s word daily, to change our stumbling hearts, and to transform our words into instruments of healing, instead of weapons for hurting.
The Big Idea:
So here’s the big idea. It’s to use your words for helping not hurting...Use your words for helping not hurting, to produce life not death. If you stumble this week don’t beat yourself up, instead ask for forgiveness and ask Jesus to keep transforming your heart. The good news of the gospel is Jesus who never stumbled, died for the sins of those who stumble. While dying on the cross his enemies yelled at him with hurtful words, and instead of unleashing hell with his words he unleashed heaven saying, “Forgive them for they know not what they do.” He unleashed heaven to the very people who stumble, which includes us. In response to his sacrificial love, let’s do what no other created thing can do. As humans we’ve been uniquely created to do what no other created thing can do, which is to praise our Creator with words. So, let’s use our tongues for what they were created to do, which is to praise Jesus, and then let’s strive to use our words in helpful encouraging ways that reflects the great love of Jesus. Let’s stand and worship Jesus.